Rules of the Sea

This was originally posted on sailnet by Herman Wadler.

1. Leaving the dock is optional. Every return is mandatory.
2. If you turn the wheel towards shore, the houses get bigger. If you turn the wheel away from shore, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep turning the wheel, then they get bigger again.
3. Sailing isn't dangerous. Sinking is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be on shore wishing you were out there, than out there wishing you were on shore.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The sail is just a big awning used to keep the captain cool. When it rips to shreds, you can actually watch the captain start sweating.
7. When in doubt, stay out to sea. No one has ever gone aground on a wave.
8. A 'good' return to your slip is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' return is one after which they can use the boat again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've hit the dock hard if it takes all your bilge pumps running at full power for you to step on to the dock.
11. The probability of a boats survival is inversely proportional to the speed of arrival. High speed arrivals, small probability of boat survival and vice versa.
12. Never let a boat take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay away from clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be a hail storm. Reliable sources also report that lighting has been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of departures you make from your slip equal to the number of returns you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth return to your slip. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Catamarans can't sail; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is water that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the cockpit, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of fiberglass going tens of miles per hour and the shore going zero miles per hour, the shore has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, buoyancy is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. Always step up, never step down into a life raft.